And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
