You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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