Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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