You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
