I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
