Four minutes until I can fart!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
