Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
