you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
