do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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