just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
