she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
