Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
