its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
