Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
