Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
