Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
