I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
