he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
