dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
