i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We have started to decorate penises.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
