I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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