it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
