she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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