Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
