I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
