cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
