They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
