thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
