I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Come share oat with me in your robe
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
