FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
