she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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