I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
