If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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