just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
