A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
