Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
