Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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