...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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