just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
