If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
