its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
