She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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