Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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