my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
