No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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