I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
