genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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