A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
