JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
