my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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