you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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