Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
