What did we do last night that was yellow?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
