i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
