Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
