how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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