i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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