I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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