so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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